A thankful heart...

Just over a year ago, last summer, I remember crying. If you know me well, you know this is nothing new. I wondered what God was doing with me. I couldn't find a teaching job in Wilmington and I desperately wondered where my husband was. I had a desire to be married. I had even come to the conclusion that there were no Godly men out there who wanted to be married. I figured they just did it because they were supposed to. I thought, hopefully, God will put one of these men in my life and I would eventually get married. I had a strong fear I would be 40 before this would happen.

I broadened my job search and ended up in Fayetteville at a great school. I thought, okay, God will reveal to me a wonderful military man. Little did I know that was not his plan. A month later I met Charlie. It was a year ago today that we were hiking together at Raven Rock. Yesterday, was a year ago that we met at Chris' birthday party bowling. And tomorrow will one year that he asked me out for coffee in the parking lot of the Hibernian Pub. I knew the night we met we would get married. I don't know how I knew, but I did. I didn't expect it to turn out this wonderful.

Who knew that in a year we would be married? Even as I write this I am amazed at what a blessing God has given me. Charlie is in the other room singing my song. The song he wrote for me. And I am once again in tears. This time my tears aren't in sorrow. They aren't searching God wondering what he is doing with me. They are joyful, thankful tears. Not only did God give me a wonderful husband, he gave me one that adores me. One that I never expected or thought existed.

I try so hard to use this as a reminder. Just over a year ago I wondered where Charlie was. Now I have different questions, some new and some reoccurring...like a job. God is sovereign and his plan is great. It is better than anything I can want or imagine. In my desperate thoughts of wonder God is my comfort. He knows my desires and my heart. So as I wonder why I have these desires, why he isn't answering my prayers in my time, and why some things can be so easy for some people and not me, I remember that God loves me and knows me. He reminds me not to fret over these things, but to trust in him. He reminds me this everyday as I go to sleep in my husband's arms. Or when I kiss him hello. Or when Charlie tells me he loves me.

So, thank you God for loving me. Thank you for Charlie. Thank you for the reminder that you are in control. Even when I don't get my way, you remind me that your way is so much better.